The Wizard In My Shed Page 18

  “The Magic Circle!” hissed Merdyn breathlessly. “’Tis still here?”

  “BRING ME MERDYN THE WILD!” boomed the giant Jerabo as news helicopters flew around his head like bees. “BRING ME MERDYN AND I WILL LETTETH THE GIRL GO!”

  A news reporter flashed up on the screen, standing near Stonehenge and explaining that the Prime Minister had asked the army to be on standby for this most unusual national emergency.

  “No!’ yelled Merdyn. “They must not calleth in the army. Jerabo will destroyeth them all, including Rose. It’s me he wanteth. I have to get there!”

  But it was Rose’s mum who was the most dumbstruck. A sudden shock like this can do strange things, reader, as I’m sure you know. It can clutter the mind with confusion OR it can bring great clarity. I am pleased to tell you that this shock had the latter effect on Suzy. At that moment, she realised that for the past couple of years, she’d been living her life all wrong. Yes, her lovely husband had died far too young, and that was about the worst thing you could think of. But she still had two wonderful children, and she loved them, and they loved her. What an idiot I’ve been, she thought. And she sprang into ACTION MUM mode.

  “Right. Dion,” said Suzy. “Can we borrow your car?”

  Dion groaned. He’d only just fixed his car up and, if he was reading the room right, now it was going to be used in a life-or-death race to confront an angry giant. What could possibly go wrong?

  “Er …” he said.

  “Good,” said Mum. “Martin, can you still drive?”

  “Well,” Martin said, looking worried. “It’s been a while …”

  “That’s two yeses then,” said Suzy firmly. “Let’s go!”

  Rose’s mum, Merdyn, Martin and Dion ran out of the house and jumped into Dion’s car. Martin started it up, put his expert foot on the accelerator, slammed the car into gear and sent the Pontiac Firebird wheel-spinning out of Daffodil Close.

  With the twin turbos pumping

  like they’d been lit by fires.

  And a cloud of smoke rising

  from the burning tyres!

  All hell was breaking loose at Stonehenge. The whole place was teeming with police and soldiers, but they couldn’t touch the giant Jeremiah Jerabo. The Prime Minister had sent fighter jets and attack helicopters, but Jerabo was too big and powerful to overcome.

  Meanwhile, Julian was getting the hang of his spellbook. It was a little hit and miss, but he’d done at least one ice spell and summoned lightning from his fingertips.

  “Ha ha! Look at me, Great great etcetera Grandad! I’m like Darth Vader!” he shouted as he zapped a nearby tree.

  “Good work, son. Is Darth Vader one of the good guys, like us?” boomed Giant Jerabo, swatting away fighter jets with his giant hand as if they were paper aeroplanes.

  “Erm, kind of,” replied Julian.

  Rose rolled her eyes. She’d given up trying to squirm out of Jerabo’s big fist and had settled for giving him the occasional bite instead. Not that he was taking much notice. So she was very relieved when she looked up to see the welcome sight of Dion’s big American car hurtling towards the police cordon with her mum in the front passenger seat.

  Uncle Martin screeched to a halt next to the line of army soldiers.

  “Sorry sir, this area is in lockdown,” said a diligent officer.

  Mum wound the window down. “Let us through!” she screamed. “That’s my daughter up there in that monster’s hand!”

  But the soldier shook his head. “Move along, madam,” he said instead, rather threateningly.

  “I WILL NOT!” cried Suzy.

  “Then I shall have to arrest you, ma’am.”

  “Stand down, soldier!” said a firm voice suddenly.

  Suzy looked about for her saviour. It was none other than … Sergeant Murray.

  “Let this fine woman through,” said the sergeant.

  “Sir, yes, sir!” saluted the solider, and he stepped aside to let the Firebird pass.

  Uncle Martin sped through the police cordon, past the souvenir shop with its broken windows, along the path towards the monument, round Rose’s scared schoolmates, between terrified tourists, and stopped just outside the ancient circle of stones.

  Merdyn staggered out of the back seat (he’d been throwing up the WHOLE way) and stumbled to the centre of Stonehenge. He looked up at the huge face of the Giant Jerabo, some twenty metres above him.

  “Here I am!” cried Merdyn. “Now let my great great many times granddaughter go!”

  “Be careful, Merdyn!” cried Rose. Then: “Hang on – we’re related?”

  “Aye,” said the warlock tenderly. “I had hoped to tell thee under slightly better circumstances but yes, I am thy ancestor, and I’m so so sorry for how I have treated you of late.”

  “So you DIDN’T give me the wrong spell on purpose?”

  “Of course not!” Merdyn was appalled. “But I was careless. Please forgive me?”

  “All right. As long as you get me out of here!” yelled Rose.

  “Worry thee not, child. Everything will be oookaaay!”

  Jerabo laughed. “I did knoweth you’d be foolish enough to come, Merdyn the Idiot,” he boomed. He lowered Rose to the ground and scooped up the warlock in her place.

  Suzy rushed to Rose’s side and hugged her tight. It was a hug that meant a thousand words and phrases. I’m sorry, Rose. I’ll be there for you from now on. You’re special to me, Rose, just as you are. You can count on me! And Rose heard every word, loud and clear. It seemed like a long time since they’d felt like a proper mum and daughter, and boy had Rose missed it.

  Meanwhile, held high in the giant Jerabo’s hand like one of his own merchandising dolls, Merdyn noticed the Royal Engagement Ring on his enemy’s finger. Jerabo watched Merdyn’s face fall.

  “Oh yes, thou don’t knoweth, do thou?” Jerabo said. “Evanhart and I are to be married. Isn’t that wonderful? It didn’t taketh her long to forget about thee …”

  “I don’t believeth thee!”

  “It doesn’t matter if thou believeth me. Thou art going to die now anyway.”

  The evil wizard tightened his grip on the good warlock (confusing, isn’t it?) and prepared to crush him like an ant. But Merdyn’s anger was now at boiling point. He wasn’t giving up without a fight.

  He thumped Thundarian against Jerabo’s palm.“ANIMATUM GIGANTICUS!” he yelled.

  And seconds later, he burst out of Jerabo’s fist and thumped his feet on to the ground. WHUMP! WHUMP! Now Merdyn was twenty metres tall too.

  “I AM MERDYN THE WILD!

  DESTROYER OF ENEMIES!

  BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!” he boomed.

  Not to be outdone, Jeremiah boomed back: “AND I AM JEREMIAH JERABO! BRINGER OF JUSTICE! AND I WILL NEVER BOWETH TO THEE!” It was as loud as a jumbo jet.

  “And I am Julian Smith! The best actor who ever lived!” squeaked Julian from the ground below. “But, er … carry on.”

  And so the two giants from the year 511 stood toe to toe in the middle of Stonehenge while news crews pointed their cameras and beamed the image around the world. In houses and pubs and workplaces around the globe, people gathered about their televisions to watch the spectacle unfold. In Buckingham Palace, the Queen was gripped. In the White House, the President was enthralled. In the Vatican, the Pope was praying.

  People in Europe, America, China, Russia, Australia, Tanzania, Indonesia, New Zealand, India, everywhere all looked on in disbelief as the ancient pair traded magical blows in a supernatural battle royale. And they didn’t even know yet how much the fate of their world rested on this battle. After all, if Merdyn lost, Julian Smith would be in charge.

  Jerabo threw a lightning bolt *CRACK-ACK-ACK!** It missed Merdyn and hit one of the army trucks. The truck burst into flames and soldiers spilled out.

  Julian laughed. “Oops-a-daisy!”

  “No!” shouted Merdyn. “Don’t hurt them!”

  “What?” Giant Jerabo bellowed in disbel
ief. “Thou actually CARETH about these people? Thou CARETH about these weak, insipid, magicless creatures?”

  “There are good people here,” said Merdyn. “I have seen more goodness in them than I have ever seen in THOU!”

  But Jerabo was in no mood to chat.

  WHOOSH!

  He threw a fireball at Merdyn.

  DOUBLE-WHOOSH!

  Merdyn threw one right back. Jerabo summoned a shield spell, however, and the fireball rebounded towards Merdyn, setting the end of his beard ablaze. The evil wizard slapped his thighs guffawingly, and the sound reverberated like thunderclaps across the landscape.

  Merdyn was not cowed though. He spun, brandished Thundarian boldly, and hurled an ice spell at the chuckling Jerabo.

  “GELIDA GLACIA FROSTORA!”

  *FFFFFRING!!** Suddenly Jerabo was encased in an oversized block of ice. He looked like an iceberg.

  Rose whooped. In homes and pubs and offices across the planet, people cheered. In the White House, the President sent a direct order to the Pentagon. “Someone bring me some popcorn! This is gonna be a heck of a show!”

  Not one to miss a party, at this moment Freddie arrived at Stonehenge shouting, “Hi, I’m Merdyn’s agent. For personal appearances please call this number,” and handing out business cards to anyone who would take one. He threw a thumbs up to Merdyn, “Keep going, Merds, this is great publicity. BANK!”

  But Jerabo wasn’t finished just yet. Suddenly, he burst out from within his frozen prison, scattering shards of ice into the air that plummeted into the landscape like darts in a dart board. Then … he disappeared.

  Merdyn looked around desperately. Where had the villainous giant gone?

  CRACK!

  The blow came out of nowhere. Merdyn flew sideways. WHACK! Merdyn had just got back up when he was knocked on to his backside. BONK! SMACK! HOOF!

  Two could play at that game.

  “BARBARIUM INVISIBLATIS!” Merdyn roared.

  Now Merdyn was also invisible. The two magicians wrestled and grappled loudly – and invisibly – until they realised that this meant neither held an advantage any more. They reappeared, looking significantly more battered and bruised, much to the watching crowd’s delight.

  In a sudden dastardly move, Jerabo plucked one of the rounder Stonehenge rocks from where it had stood for five thousand years and bowled it along the floor at Merdyn. The nimble warlock jumped, so the rock tumbled past and hit three other giant boulders, sending them spinning into the air like bowling pins.

  “Nice roll, Great Etcetera Grandad!” shouted Julian.

  But this gave Merdyn an EXCELLENT idea. He whispered a new spell he’d invented only a few days earlier, when cheating at tenpin-bowling against Kris and Freddie.

  “TRANSFORMUS BOWLUS BALLUS!”

  Rose, her family and the world watched in amazement as Merdyn began to transform. At first, his body folded forward. Then it tucked inward and scrunched into … a ball. By the time the change was complete, there was a giant, shiny, purple-patched bowling ball resting on the grass, with a pointy hat sitting on top. The ball hurtled towards the bamboozled Jerabo at speeds beyond comprehension: a purple blur, skittling him and the rest of the Stonehenge rocks in all directions.

  “Striiiike!!” cried the Queen from Buckingham Palace.

  A roar of delight went up the world over as Jerabo landed in a broken heap among the heavy stones. Rose jumped so high with relief she pulled a muscle in her gluteous maximus (bottom). In the little souvenir shop, the scale-model artist burst into tears, picked up his beloved works of art – which no longer matched – and smashed them on the ground.

  Merdyn the Wild turned back into the giant version of himself and stood over the stricken Jerabo. “And now perhaps a drink?” he said, producing the brown bottle from his belt.

  At that moment, a car weaved through the wreckage and skidded to a stop in the middle of the site formerly known as Stonehenge. Kris and Shakia climbed out.

  “Rose! Rose, where are you? Where’s my sister?” Kris shouted frantically. “You may be embarrassing but I still love you! I’m here to rescue you!”

  “Kris, I’m here, I’m OK!” Rose shouted from where she stood with her mum.

  Her brother spun around but could see nothing but toppled stones, smoke and police helicopters.

  Julian’s devious mind started whirring. “Kris, over here! I’ll take you to your sister!” he cooed.

  “Thanks!” said Kris in relief. And before Shakia could stop him, he jogged blithely towards the ex-magician.

  “Noooo!” cried Rose. She let go of her helpless mum and ran towards her brother.

  “Rose, stay back!” Merdyn shouted.

  But it was too late. As Rose and her brother converged on each other and came within Julian’s grasp, Julian grabbed his spellbook, muttered something desperately and …

  *FRRRISHH!**

  Rose and Kris were encased in another block of ice.

  Suzy howled. Uncle Martin and Shakia had to hold her back from running over and putting herself in danger too.

  “Ha!” Julian crowed. “And they told me I couldn’t act! Take that, Royal Shakespeare Company!” He turned to Merdyn. “Now let my great blah blah grandfather go, or these kids are burnt toast.” He crackled some lightning from his fingertips and laughed an evil laugh. (I think the Royal Shakespeare Company were right. He WAS a bit hammy.)

  Merdyn backed away. He couldn’t risk any harm coming to Rose and Kris.

  “Great Etcetera Grandad!” shouted Julian. “That brown bottle in Merdyn’s hand. It’s a disenchantment potion. It will take away your powers. He tried to use it on me at the theatre!”

  Jerabo pulled himself back on to his giant feet and looked at Merdyn, reluctantly impressed. “’Tis true?” he asked. “Thou has perfected the disenchantment potion? In that case, how about a bargain?”

  “I will not bargaineth with THEE!” cried Merdyn.

  “Really?” said Jerabo. “We have thine precious Rose and her idiot brother thou carest so much about.”

  From inside the ice Rose tried to wriggle free. God it was cold in there.

  “But what if we did goeth back in time together and liveth in peace, me and thou, leaving everyone here unharmed?” Jerabo continued. “Thou can marry Evanhart. Everybody’s happy.”

  “And what do thou wanteth in return?” asked Merdyn suspiciously.

  “To be King.”

  Merdyn laughed.

  “I jesteth not,” said Jerabo. “I shall overthroweth King Paul, and thou will letteth me.”

  “But I would NEVER let thee do such a thing! My powers are too much for thee,” Merdyn rasped indignantly.

  “I knoweth this.” Jerabo paused for dramatic effect, knowing he had Rose, her class, the police, the army, the President, the Queen, the whole world hanging on his next words. “Which is why THOU art going to drink the contents of that bottle and lose thy powers for ever instead.”

  The watching world gasped.

  “If you keepeth fighting, you will loseth,” Jerabo said. “There art two of us, after all. And when thou loseth, thou will dieth without descendants, and these two children will disappeareth from the face of the earth. For ever.”

  “Like in Back to the Future,” whispered Dion to Rose’s mum.

  “This is no time to talk about films, Dion!” Suzy shrieked.

  “No, listen. If Merdyn doesn’t go back and live out his life as planned, Rose and Kris will never have existed.”

  “Or me,” said Martin. He checked his arm to see if he was already disappearing.

  Jerabo smiled meanly. “I’m offering you a way to guarantee your progeny, Merdyn,” he said. “Drink the bottle and we all goeth safely home.”

  Rose could hear all this from inside the ice. She was nearly blue with cold, but silently screaming for Merdyn NOT to drink the spell. She didn’t trust Jerabo one bit.

  But Merdyn knew Jerabo was right. If he lost this fight, then Rose and Kris were doomed.
“Set them free first,” he said, gesturing towards the ice.

  “Do as he sayeth, my many-times-great-grandson,” ordered Jerabo.

  Julian threw a fireball at Rose and Kris. They fell, soaking wet, from their melted icy tomb.

  “Don’t trust him, Merdyn!” cried Rose through shivering lips.

  “I must ensure your safety, youngling.” Merdyn looked at Rose and Kris and smiled bravely. Then, with a heavy heart, he lifted the bottle to his lips – and drank the disenchantment potion. GULP!

  “Nooooooo!” screamed Rose as Merdyn shrank back to his normal size. The light in his bright blue eyes went out, and they became grey-black.

  “Excellent.” Jerabo kicked Thundarian aside. He picked up the weakened Merdyn between his finger and thumb and dropped him on to the altar in the middle of the ruined stone monument.

  “What are you doing?” shouted Rose.

  “Me? Oh. I am going to kill Merdyn, of course,” said Jerabo casually. “You were quite right. ’Twas a trick. Merdyn really should know better than to trust me. Now I shall go back and rule my world, Ju-lion shall rule this one and the only person who could have stopped us has been rendered powerless.

  “I just loveth it when a plan comes together.”

  The world, the Pope,

  the President and Queen

  all prayed for a hero

  to undo what they’d just seen.

  Even as Jerabo spoke, Rose noticed with shock that she was slowly disappearing. This wasn’t like turning invisible – she’d been able to feel her toes then. But now where her toes had once been was just air, and there was a definite sense of absence. Merdyn wasn’t going home, she realised, so she was being erased from time before her very own eyes!

  She looked at her brother. “Kris! Your face!”

  Kris checked himself in his phone. His beautiful face was turning see-through!